The Fat And The Thin Of It Read online

Jill said. “You’ll ruin your dinner.”

  Jackie did not like her condescending tone. “Look, you sad, anorexic stick insect; if I want to stuff my face I’ll stuff my face, okay?” she huffed and got up to reclaim the plate. “What difference are a few more pounds going to make?”

  Jill was taken aback by Jackie’s name-calling. They kept the subject of each other’s weight light-hearted, but she couldn’t remember Jackie calling her an anorexic stick insect ever. And it hurt, to be truthful. Jackie knew she was just as sensitive about her body as she was. She looked at Jackie glaring defiantly at her as she stuffed two biscuits into her mouth in quick succession.

  “Fine, go ahead,” Jill waved a languid hand in her direction. “It’ll only mean a few extra pounds to shift once you get your head round dieting again.” She crossed her legs and sipped her tea, hoping a prod in the side of her conscience might help stop her.

  Instead, Jackie threw the plate to the floor with such fury that it cracked into four pieces and sent the biscuits flying all about the conservatory.

  “My God! You have your head so very firmly jammed up your own skinny arse, don’t you?” Jackie yelled, fuming and red-faced. “You think that the only way a person is actually worth anything is if they weigh less than eight fucking stone, don’t you?” she got up and homed in on Jill, who stayed still and held her gaze. “You think you’re so bloody wonderful because you keep your weight under control! You think being a size bloody eight is the be all and end all of life! Screw everything else!” she waved her hands in front of Jill’s face. “Screw the family, screw the home-making, screw mealtimes where you can all sit down and enjoy what you eat because it tastes nice, instead of worrying about how many fucking calories a carrot is worth!”

  The two glared at each other before Jackie continued to rant. “You think I’m worth bugger all because I’m fat! You think I’m useless because I’m fat! You think I have no self control because I’m fat, and you probably wonder how on this fucking earth I ever got a man to marry me because… I’m… fat!” she jabbed her index finger at Jill, punctuating the words.

  Jackie turned to leave, but she changed her mind. “You want to know something, woman? I wonder what on earth Terry ever saw in you. He must feel he’s shagging a bag of kindling wood when he’s in bed with you. I wonder sometimes how you have the energy to peddle away on your bloody machine for hours on end without fainting! If either one of us is the sad human being, it’s you! Not me, you!” she jabbed a finger into the middle of Jill’s forehead before storming off.

  Jill reeled back from the finger-jab, but recovered quickly. She jumped up from her chair and stormed after Jackie, grabbed her by the elbow and spun her round so they were face to face. “That’s all you can do, is it? Insult me because your husband left you! Well actually, Jackie darling,” her voice dripped with sarcasm. “Everything you just said out there was how you feel about yourself.” Jackie tried to wriggle free, but Jill kept a firm grasp. “If you think I feel superior, it’s because you feel inferior. If you’re calling me a control freak, it’s because you recognise that you have no control whatsoever. And,” she jabbed Jackie’s ribcage. “If you think Terry doesn’t enjoy shagging me because I’m slim, at least I didn’t have to shag half of Surrey to make myself feel loved and desirable like you because of your own self loathing! And don’t… jab me… in the… forehead, you silly cow!” she punctuated her words with stabs at Jackie’s chest.

  Jackie grabbed Jill’s arm and twisted it to the side, making her yelp. “Let go of me, you crazy bitch!” Jill yelled.

  “Make me!” Jackie shouted in her face. “Go on; see if you’ve got the strength in that pathetic excuse for a body to make me!”

  Jill screeched and stamped on Jackie’s foot, who in turn screeched and let Jill’s arm go. Jackie was quick, though, and grabbed Jill’s jacket and yanked her back, making her topple to the floor. She felt satisfaction when she heard the expensive material rip, and she prepared to throw herself on top of Jill. Jill, however, rolled out of the way and when Jackie landed heavily onto the floor, she pounced and straddled her back, grabbed her arms and pinned her face down.

  “Pathetic am I? Go on, you sad slob, tell me I’m pathetic now!”

  Jackie wriggled, but it was difficult to move with Jill holding her wrists behind her back. She bucked like a rodeo horse and threw Jill off balance just enough to make her release her grip, then she heaved herself to the side and threw Jill onto the floor. Jackie rolled over and lay on top of Jill, both face upwards and forming a cross.

  “You’re pathetic!” Jackie wriggled and squashed Jill underneath. “You’re anorexic!” she wriggled and squashed again. “You’re a control freak and a loser!”

  Jill grabbed a handful of Jackie’s hair and pulled her head back as far as she could, and once she had her immobile, wriggled out from under her and kneed her in the ribs. Jackie groaned and tried to fight Jill’s hand off her hair, but she kept a firm grip until she’d straddled Jackie’s chest.

  “Will you calm down, woman!” she shouted into Jackie’s ear.

  “Get the fuck off me!” Jackie screamed at the top of her lungs into Jill’s ear, and she reeled back with a yelp and slapped Jackie’s face.

  “Stop it, Jackie!”

  “You stop it first, Jill!” she was still trying to prise Jill’s hand out of her hair.

  Jackie finally reached up and grabbed a handful of Jill’s hair and pulled her head down to her face. Their foreheads clashed and both women groaned, but they kept nose to nose, each with a handful of the other’s hair. Jill stay straddling Jackie, tugging and panting, and Jackie still tried to buck Jill into the air and off her stomach. After a good long minute they started to run out of steam, and Jackie’s grip on Jill’s scalp weakened and she stopped bucking with such gusto, but she didn’t let go.

  “Give up?” Jill panted into Jackie’s face .

  “You give up and I’ll give up.” Jackie gave a final buck.

  Jill gave another tug on Jackie’s hair, who retorted with a head-butt to her nose. Jill winced but stayed put.

  “This is so ridiculous, Jackie! Just let go!” she shouted with frustration, her eyes watering from the nose-butt.

  “You let go then I’ll let go.” Jackie pulled her face closer to hers and glared.

  “Oh, for… Okay,” Jill panted. “On the count of three, we let go together.”

  “I’ll count.”

  “Oh, go on then.”

  “One… two… three!”

  Neither weakened their grasp.

  “Jackie! You said you’d let go on the count of three!”

  “No, I agreed we’d both let go on the count of three!”

  “Yeah, but I knew you had no intention of letting go, so I didn’t.”

  “That’s exactly what I thought, Jill.”

  There was no tug left in either of them but they stood fast in their impasse. They were nose to nose, one giving a small tug with the other following suit, all the while panting and grunting like two pigs fighting at the feeding trough.

  “You know what I’d love right now?” Jill said.

  “What?” Jackie panted.

  “A video camera to film this: it must be hysterical to watch.”

  Jill smiled cheekily into Jackie’s face, then she gave a low, throaty chuckle. Jackie tried to stay serious and glaring, but she couldn’t resist following suit. They chuckled into each other’s faces until they broke out into weakening giggles, and it wasn’t long before Jill rolled off of Jackie and they both lay on the floor, side by side, creased up with guffaws of laughter.

  They laughed until their ribcages hurt, then they giggled because their ribcages hurt. They lay in silence for a while, then one started giggling again and that started the other one off. Finally, Jill took hold of Jackie’s hand, and the latter burst into tears, so Jill cradled her head against her chest until she stopped.

  “Done?” Jill asked as she stroked Jackie’s hair.

  �
�Yep,” Jackie sniffed. “For now, anyway.”

  They went silent again, and both women independently wondered to themselves how long the other had been dying to get all that off their chests. Both women independently adamant that they most definitely did not feel what the other had accused them of, but both women independently very hurt to think that the other could even consider their accusations. Both women actually wondering just how well they really knew the other.

  Jackie finally broke the ice “The ceiling needs painting. Bob said he’d do it this spring.”

  “Well, get Mark some overalls and let him do it.” Jill suggested. “It’ll keep him busy until he gets a job.”

  “Oh, God!” Jackie said. “Do you think he’ll still be lolling about the house in the spring?”

  “No, I mean get him to do it now, and maybe he’ll hate it so much he’ll go out and try to find a job.” Jill nudged Jackie. “You’re too soft on him, love. You need to make him do things around here instead of allowing him to sit in his room all day busting his eardrums with rap music.”

  “Ah, right.” Jackie said with a sneer. “You won ‘Mother of the Year’ three times in a row: pardon my forgetting.”

  Oh, that was a blow under the belt. Jackie knew full well that Jill felt guilty about not having been on hand enough for Penny when she was little. She chose to ignore it, though, as she didn’t feel like another skirmish on the floor. Jill got up onto one elbow and looked at