The Fat And The Thin Of It Read online

knew, Barbara, that you’d be a nosy, moany old bitch as soon as I met you, and I’m glad you and your Robert are out of my life!”

  Mark didn’t say a word as they drove through the neighbourhood, and as Jackie was in no mood to talk to him, they made the ride to the estate agent’s in silence. When they pulled up outside of Walker & Cº, Mark gave her a gormless look but Jackie simply barked the order to get out of the car as she jumped out and waited for him by the entrance. Mark slid out of the passenger seat and ambled over to her, and she grabbed his sleeve and pulled him into the office.

  Richard was sipping a cup of coffee at his desk at the back of the office, and he looked at the pair with a puzzled frown. “Good morning, Jackie.” he said politely, and he nodded at Mark, who simply stood slouched and pouting beside his mother.

  “I have your new employee here.” She stated evenly as she shoved Mark towards Richard’s desk. Mark gave her another gormless stare, but she didn’t return his look and turned brusquely on her heel towards the exit. “When the day’s over, drop him back at your mother’s.”

  “Wha-a-at?” Mark whined as Jackie left. “I’m not going back to Grandma’s!”

  Jackie stopped to answer him. “Well, find yourself somewhere else to stay, because you’re not coming back home until you’ve got a wage packet in your pocket.”

  Richard chased after her and stopped her climbing into her car. “Jackie! Jackie, wait!” he caught up to her. “I can’t hire Mark.”

  Jackie turned to him. “And why on earth can’t you hire your nephew, Richard?” she asked, defiance in her voice, challenging him to refuse her.

  “Well… there’s… there’s not a lot of work right now.” Richard stammered sheepishly.

  “So, get your brother to forward you money to pay for his employment,” she suggested haughtily. “And if Mark doesn’t go to your mother’s, find out where he’ll be staying tonight and then call me, as I do not want to see him until he does have that wage packet.” She climbed majestically into her car and drove off.

  Once Jackie had turned the corner and was out of sight of the office, she pulled abruptly over to the kerb, making the driver behind her beep his horn and mouth an oath at her as he drove by. She cut the engine, then gripped the steering wheel and sat staring ahead until the tears started to roll down her cheeks.

  At first, Jackie thought she’d let the tears fall until they dried up, but there was no stemming the flow. She felt no urge to sob, but the tears just kept welling up and brimming over the lower rims of her eyes. She blindly fumbled on the floor in the front and back of the car for a box of tissues, but couldn’t find any, so she mopped her eyes with the sleeve of her anorak and groped behind on the seat for her handbag.

  “Oh, frig it!” she said hoarsely once she realised that she hadn’t brought her handbag with her.

  A continuous stream of tears was stinging her eyes, and then her nose began to drip. She sighed frustratedly and searched in her anorak pockets for a tissue, sniffing as hard as she could to stop the mucus running into her mouth, but there was none to be found.

  “Bugger!” she sniffed, then she flicked open the glove compartment and grabbed the rag she used to clean the car windows, blew her nose hard and grimaced at the smell of dirt and petrol fumes.

  Jackie wiped her eyes on her sleeve again, checked in the mirror behind the sun visor to make sure she didn’t have any of the muck from the rag smeared on her face, then she jumped out the car and stood on the pavement, She looked up the street and saw a man walking briskly towards her with the collar of his overcoat turned up against his neck.

  “Excuse me!” she shouted as she ran up to him. “Would you mind terribly if I borrowed your phone?” she blocked his path, smiling as pleasantly as she could.

  The man jumped slightly when he saw her, but tried to push past her and continue on his way. Jackie sidestepped and blocked him again. “Please, I really need to use your phone.”

  The tears were still flowing, her nose was running again and both fluids were freezing on her face. She realised she must look a state, but she hoped her appearance would thaw this man’s heart enough to lend her his phone. “Please!” she wailed. “I won’t take long.”

  The man tried to dodge her again, but he finally relented and fumbled in his coat pocket for his phone. He passed it to her without a word and glanced impatiently at his watch as she grabbed it and quickly dialled the number she knew by heart. Both stood stamping their feet and swaying from side to side while Jackie willed her call to be answered. At last, it was.

  “Hello?”

  “Jill! It’s me, love.” Jackie sighed with relief. “Please, please come and meet me at our café,” she garbled quickly. “I need to talk to you.”

  “Are you alright?” Jill asked with a little bit of worry in her tone.

  “Yes, but no,” the man glanced again at his watch and frowned at Jackie. “But please come! I’m using someone’s phone as I left mine at home, so I’m going to hang up and I’ll meet you at the café.”

  She disconnected the phone and handed it to the man, who grabbed it and marched off in silence as Jackie shouted ‘thank you’ to his back, then mumbled ‘prick’ as she locked her car and half walked, half trotted to the café, all the while wiping away tears as best she could with her sleeve.

  The warmth of the café made Jackie’s face tingle as she entered, but resisting the temptation to thaw out inside, she turned left and went out onto the terrace. The heater hanging on the back wall was on, but there was a chilly waft of air coming through the open front, so she sat at a table nearest to the heater and furthest from the front. Gratefully, she grabbed a handful of paper napkins from the dispenser on her table and wiped her eyes and nose. The cheap paper was rough and scratched her face, but she had to rub with some force as the salty fluids of tears and mucus had crusted and were stuck pretty firmly.

  A waitress came out to her, wearing a puzzled look. “Madam?” she said tentatively. “Are you okay?”

  Jackie smiled and tried to sound casual. “Yes, I’m fine. If you’re wondering why I’m sitting out here in the cold, it’s because I’m waiting for a friend of mine who’s a smoker.” She tried to chuckle, but it sounded more like a cackle.

  The waitress made a comprehending nod with her head, but she still looked puzzled. “Shall you be ordering something now, or would you prefer to wait for your friend?”

  “Oooh,” Jackie crooned, trying to sound better than she probably looked. “I’d love a big mug of tea and a blueberry muffin, please.”

  Jackie licked her fingers and rubbed around her nose in an attempt to moisten the caked mucus, then she dabbed another napkin around the area. The waitress brought the tea and muffin and Jackie ripped at the packaging and bit hungrily into the muffin. The sweetness made the inside of her mouth water, and she chewed and blended her saliva with the thick, sticky mixture. She’d bitten off such a large chunk that she had to take a gulp of tea before she could swallow, and once she was able to get rid of it, she took another bite, this time smaller. By the time Jill arrived, Jackie had finished the muffin and was sipping her tea and feeling a little better.

  “Jackie!” Jill said anxiously as she rushed over and sat in the chair nearest to her. “What on earth is the matter?”

  Her friend’s anxiety made Jackie start to cry again. “I’ve abandoned my son.” She blurted out before letting loose a long, loud wail.

  Jill grabbed her and rocked as she cooed and patted her back. Jackie’s sobs wracked her body as she wailed until there was no air left in her lungs, then she gasped in some more and wailed again, and the noise made the waitress come out to them. She stood staring at the pair with a worried expression until Jill saw her, and she mouthed ‘it’s alright’ and waved the waitress away with a weak smile.

  Eventually, Jackie calmed down and pulled away from Jill, but she started to wail again when she saw the wet mess she’d deposited on the shoulder of Jill’s camel hair coat. She pulled out some napkins f
rom the dispenser and tried to rub it off, but Jill stopped her hand.

  “Love, don’t worry about that. Just tell me what’s happened.”

  Jackie bit into her bottom lip like a forlorn child. “I’ve abandoned Mark, Jill.” She whispered, and her face wrinkled up again.

  Jill didn’t understand. “What do you mean; you’ve abandoned Mark? Where is he?”

  “He’s with Barbara.”

  “Barbara?”

  “Yes, but he’s with Richard now.”

  “Richard.”

  “Yes, and I won’t let him home till he’s got it.”

  “Got what?”

  “His wages.”

  Jill huffed impatiently. “Jackie, what are you talking about, love? Be a little clearer, please.”

  Jackie took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before she explained what had happened from the moment she’d got back from Ibiza until she called Jill. Her face threatened to wrinkle up again, so she took a noisy sip of tea as she stared at Jill and waited for her reaction.

  Jill stubbed out her cigarette, rested her elbows on the table and gave Jackie a motherly smile. Jackie shrugged her shoulders, demonstrating that she was still waiting for a reaction of some sort, any sort.

  “Love, what do you want me to say?” Jill asked.

  “Anything,” Jackie sniffed. “Your opinion, what you think about it all…”

  “You want me to tell you that I think you did the right or wrong